UPDATE: ‘She decided she doesn’t like me. She has said this directly’: Coworker keeps reporting a 2-month new hire as hostile, formally filing a complaint about an audible sigh, and complaining to their boss for no reason

Two months into a new job and already the subject of a formal complaint about sighing too loudly. Not a confrontation, not an argument, not any measurable workplace incident. A sigh. You know, the involuntary human noise that happens when someone is concentrating hard or mildly frustrated or just breathing like a normal person.

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  • Woman working on laptop from sitting a couch, focused on screen
    via Peyman Shojaei

    Woman sitting on couch working on a laptop 

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • UPDATE: coworker reporting me as hostile.

    I posted before about a coworker situation and I honestly feel like it has gotten worse, so I'm looking for advice again.
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • I'm 26 and I've only been at this job for about two months. Early on, there's a coworker in her 40s who decided she doesn't like me. She has said this directly,
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • and since then she has been gossiping about me with other coworkers. I've seen her talk about me in group chats, whisper about me nearby, and just generally create a really uncomfortable environment.
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • After that, I stopped engaging socially and kept everything strictly work-related. I'm not ride, I'm not refusing to work with her, I just don't go out of
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • my way to talk anymore. At this point I mostly give a polite nod or short answers if something is work-related.
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • Despite that, she keeps reporting me to my boss and framing me as "hostile." The most recent complaint was about me taking a deep sigh
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • Woman working on laptop, typing while sitting on a couch
    via Peyman Shojaei

    Woman sitting on couch typing on a laptop 

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • while working. I can admit I probably need to be more mindful of stuff like that, but it feels like everything I do is being watched and turned into a problem.
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • It got to the point where I broke down and cried to my boss after another complaint. After that, they moved my cubicle away from her. Now I'm sitting closer to my boss's office.
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • My boss has told me that I'm a good person and that they do check my work and reports, which I appreciate. At the same time, this situation keeps continuing.
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • Even after being moved, this coworker still walks past my area and goes out of her way to come near my cubicle. She has stood behind me while I'm working, glared at me, and continues talking about me to other coworkers.
    via donotopenbeforexmas

  • What makes this situation genuinely exhausting (or should I say, sigh-worthy) to read about is how much sustained effort it requires from the aggressor. Deciding you dislike someone new, announcing it out loud, organizing group chats about it, filing complaints about audible exhales, monitoring break time phone usage, relocating yourself across the office specifically to glare at someone who was moved away from you. That is not passive dislike. That is a part-time job with benefits.

  • One specific moment that really got to me was when I was on my 15 minute break, sitting on my phone. She walked by,
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • stopped, and made a snarky comment about me being on my phone. Another coworker stepped in and said something.
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • like "OP is on their break, do you need anything?” which made it clear I wasn't doing anything wrong.
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • That same coworker has also defended me to our boss, which I'm really grateful for because it makes me feel less alone in this situation.
    via donotopenbeforexmas

  • She filed a complaint about a sigh and somehow kept a straight face doing it. Respect the commitment even while condemning everything else about the situation.

  • At this point I've completely withdrawn socially. I don't talk to anyone unless I have to. I give polite nods, short answers, and keep
    via donotopenbeforexmas

  • Being labeled hostile while doing nothing except existing quietly and keeping all interactions strictly professional is a specific kind of workplace gaslighting that wears people down faster than actual conflict would. At least conflict has a shape. This is just a slow accumulation of moments where someone keeps reframing basic human behavior as a problem until the target starts second-guessing their own breathing patterns.

  • everything strictly about work. I'm basically just trying to stay under the radar, do my job, and collect my paycheck.
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • I'm just reminding myself this is temporary. I need the money for my bills and I will be looking into new jobs.
    via donotopenbeforexmas

  • Withdrawing socially and going full gray rock is understandable and also a little heartbreaking for someone two months into what should have been a fresh start. Polite nods, short answers, collect the paycheck, update the resume. That is not a work strategy, that is a survival strategy, and there is a meaningful difference between the two.

  • Part of me feels like I'm doing the right thing by staying professional and not engaging, but another part of me wonders if being this
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • withdrawn is somehow making things worse or feeding into the "hostile" narrative.
    via donotopenbeforexmas

  • The coworker who stepped in during the break and later backed her up to the boss is the one genuinely decent plot point in this whole story. One person deciding to call out what they are actually seeing, rather than staying neutral to avoid drama, changes the entire texture of an otherwise isolating situation.

  • Has anyone dealt with something like this where one coworker fixates on you and keeps escalating things?
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • Is the best move to stay quiet and ride it out, or is there something else I should be doing to protect myself here?
    via donotopenbeforexmas

  • Document everything, keep the boss in the loop, and treat the job hunt with the same urgency currently going into surviving the commute. Some workplaces are worth fixing. Some are just bridges to the next one.

  • I'm honestly just trying to work and go home, but this whole situation is exhausting.
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • Sarinnana So, she's harassing you and HR is doing nothing? You need to get evidence: Time, date, what she's doing and go to your boss because this IS harrasment. If you're fired, sue.
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • bravenewwhorl You are being harassed. She is creating a hostile work environment for you. Document, get your boss and the helpful coworker on board and complain to HR
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • leonredhorse You're being gaslit here. She's the hostile worker. If she's reporting you, I'd consider talking to your boss and reporting her. It sounds like your boss and co-workers understand you're not doing anything wrong. Don't overanalyze yourself looking for ways to validate your co-worker's harassment.
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • zephyrseija2 Start taking very public notes of everything she says and does regarding you. Dates, times, details.
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • WhatsaJandal Whats wild here is the level of incompetent behaviour on the bosses part. You have a brand new starter clearly getting bu ed by some old defensive staff member and you do nothing.
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • Hellen if you come in here with one more "shes siging loudly, im going to put you on performance management for your treatment of others". Managers really are useless.
    via donotopenbeforexmas
  • BirdBruce She an emotional vampire who knows how to push your buttons and needle and manipulate you into a specific response, and she's getting her fill of it while you wither away into a husk of yourself.
    via donotopenbeforexmas

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